I could publish a book with all the apologies I’ve received from white women, nay, a series. They always come years after a racialized incident, long after harm has been done. They rarely offer actions, or a desire to repair. They always tear open old wounds and leave me feeling wholly inadequate for days on end.
Some come from women I admire, respect, work with, have forgiven, might call an ally.
Last week I got two.
The first one said (paraphrased), “I saw your features while flipping through the 425 Business magazine. Congrats! You’ve come such a long way since x incident at y company where you were pushed out — we knew you’d do great things, but you know I couldn’t do anything to support you.” I found myself asking why a woman with so much influence, an industry leader, a board member at said company, couldn’t step up to defend a WoC who has been gaslit by that company’s CEO for six months.
A few days later, I go a second apology email. This time, from a white woman apologizing for her “desire to stay out of the conflict”, prioritizing her own “conflict aversion over what was happening”. Part apology, part confession, it fully derailed my ability to focus on work until I had a chance to debrief with a dear mentor.
Here’s what I want to say to every white woman, who has sent me an apology…
